Why Women Need Financial Intimacy (Part 2 of a Series)

by financialmom on March 17, 2010

in Financial Intimacy, Financial Plan, For Women Only

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Before we start this, let me just give this disclaimer:  I love my husband, we have been married over 29 years, and I trust him completely.  He is the best thing that ever happened to me.  That doesn’t mean I keep my head in the sand regarding our finances.

The information in this series is from Helga Hayse’s book Don’t Worry About a Thing Dear – Why Women Need Financial Intimacy.  Check out Helga’s FinancialIntimacy website for more information on financial intimacy.

Now that we have taken the Financial Intimacy Quiz (see Part 1 of this series), it’s time to dispel some Myths about Marriage, as it relates to our finances:

Happy Marriages Start at a Great Wedding

As of the 3rd quarter of 2009, the average wedding cost $22,000.  This is of course very good news for the wedding industry.  Unfortunately  a fabulously expensive wedding day says nothing about a couple’s ability to talk about money or plan together.  Actually, I take that back – it does say something about their future ability to keep to a spending plan – they may never create a spending plan, or stick to it if they do.  

I know, I know – it’s one of the most important days in a woman’s life, other than having children.  And men tend to say “whatever she wants, she gets – it’s her day,”  just to keep peace.  No communication and compromise here could set a relationship up for financial failure.

Men are Better with Money than Women

How many times have you heard that one – and how many times have you heard a woman say it?  It’s simply not true that men understand money matters better than women.  Men may tell us they do, and we may have believed them. 

This becomes an expectation on our part, and we hand over the responsibility.  But rescue is not a financial strategy.  Reality is 90% of women will spend part of their adult life on their own.  Not being involved in money decisions can be dangerous and affect your future well-being.

Husbands Have Our Best Interests at Heart

We are all human beings, and therefore selfish, and certainly not perfect.  If we are very fortunate, our husband wants to keep us happy as well as himself.  It depends on who you marry. 

You may have a wonderful husband who lives to make you happy, but not everyone does.  And we don’t always know what our best interests are until we’re in a situation where our caution lights flash on.

You Can Change Him After You Marry

No one can change another person unless that person wants to change.  You can speak up and ask for change, but demanding change usually doesn’t work.  And expecting that just because you want him to change, your husband will do it for you is not always realistic. 

If you marry someone with a money style that is very different from your own, your whole financial life will be affected by what you didn’t know before you married, if you don’t take the time to discuss money before the wedding day.

Guilt is Inevitable

Guilt does not have to be inevitable.  There are no perfect marriages.  We have both the good and the bad, and anyone who says this is not true is in denial.  Please do not do this:  If something happens to your husband unexpectedly, you don’t want guilt over what you wish you had said, done, or not understood. 

Do not leave yourself with unresolved issues and a lack of closure, because you failed to talk about important subjects like your finances.

Stay tuned for Part 3 of this series, which will reveal some Truths about Marriage, that every woman (and man too) needs to know.   Please see Helga Hayse’s FinancialIntimacy website for more information on financial intimacy. 

New Profile Pic 2599R Why Women Need Financial Intimacy (Part 2 of a Series)Pamela Otten is CEO of Pamela Otten LLC, a Registered Investment Advisor. She loves to work with women business owners and entrepreneurs, and women in transition due to job change, death, or divorce. Pamela will help you set and reach your financial goals, educate you to understand your investments, and teach you how to do more charitable giving. Pamela is a Qualified Kingdom Advisor (www.kingdomadvisors.org), trained and committed to integrating biblical principles with her investment advice.

cc smallest Why Women Need Financial Intimacy (Part 2 of a Series)Photo Credit – Kevin N. Murphy

Financial Planning, Investment Advice, and Investment Management provided through Pamela Otten LLC, Registered Investment Advisor.

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